Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That accounts for only three of the penises
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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