my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
