How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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