Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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