I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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