I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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