Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
