I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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