SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
