Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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