Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
