im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
