If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
