We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
