Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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