JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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