Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
