we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
