last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
