I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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