I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
