the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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