dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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