Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
