no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
