Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
