So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
