I wish I only lived at night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
