If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
