Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
