You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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