is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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