this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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