The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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