Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
