before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
