I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
