She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
