I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
