Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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