Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
