Do you still have your period?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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