Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to make out with him forever
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
