Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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