Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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