Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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