Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
