Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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