thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
