the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
