I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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