I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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