I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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