the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
